you stole their faces
and you learned
their languages
but your voice
doesn’t match their tone
and they don’t hear you right
when you open your mouth
to mimic the things they say
or maybe you just don’t understand
you ask yourself
“is this womanhood?”
as you go to piss
in a public bathroom
and a strange man
casts his shadow
staring and masturbating
and you pretend
like it’s all a dream
and you learn
how easy it is
to be liked
by strangers
when you’re pretty
like a girl
and your dick is big
and available
and desperate
for any attention
you’re worthwhile
until the amusement wains
it’s easy
to stop seeing
you as a girl
amab in drag
playing pretend lesbian
unlike them
you can’t fit in
sooner or later
you forget
your own movement
your permission
to speak
to look like anyone
in their own eyes
you relearn
it’s easier
to pretend otherwise
/// 