do you still masturbate to fantasies of violent car wrecks?
do they still require documented evidence of your nightmares?
how many times have you written it down?
police gathered in circles making the same false faces
rabid swine gorging at the trough of your ongoing deformity
do you mean it when you ask to be fucked into unconsciousness?
or does the familiarity bring more comfort than body heat?
wanting less until there is more to want
compulsion of diagnoses, compulsion of burden-bearing
your teeth may be rotted but at least you learned to keep your hair clean
it hurts more when they need you
when you cannot love them in the ways they have never deserved
when they ask to be forgiven, so you give it to them
because you cannot give anything but your festering pleasantries
it would be easier to die than admit you have nothing left inside
you were never owed a thing, you have never owed anything
sometimes loneliness is boredom, sometimes it’s sanctuary
habit dies like cheap wine and ecstasy
the tethers were never there you just didn’t realise you could leave
spilling vomit across the carpet as you relearn how to speak
/// 