xix

we’re always still; we’re always leaving familiar
how we yearn for the harmony of nostalgic songs
spoiled for choice, misremembered names
misheard voices repeat the same patterned phrases
if i was as strong as you maybe i wouldn’t need the way i need
exchange with me bloodstreams, amphetamine
romanticise the ways we dream between closed eyes
knowing that we have never truly felt what it is to sleep
and just like that we find a new addiction
sweat mixed up in the pills we crushed
nothing to do but waste our worry on time
nothing to feel but a confidence in manic promises
nicotine drunk, spilling through the fabric
in love with the way the glycerine stuck to your lips
i preferred the taste when it smothered your breath
i preferred the trace when it was the only thing left
when you’re missing i bury my face in the imprints
but was i ever really here with you?
indulged and neglected, back and forth and nowhere near
letting the words play out until we can no longer hear them